


Decathlon Dicks

by spectators



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Cindy is an unstoppable force, Epistolary, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Stupidity, Texting, because teenagers, except Cindy, they're all idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2020-10-16 23:24:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20611094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spectators/pseuds/spectators
Summary: Cindy: Alright, so I know this might sound crazy, but it's really not that far-fetched. You know how Peter just disappears for no good reason? And how he's always making up some bad excuse to make sense of those disappearances? And how he's always coming into school late, usually sporting some black eye or bruise covered up with really bad makeup? And, guys - the Stark internship. Look me in the eye and tell me that's not sus.Cindy: Guys?Cindy: Guys?Cindy: I know you're ignoring me. It won't work. I will literally annoy you into submission if you don't answer me within the next five seconds.Cindy: Okay, seriously. You've got five seconds to answer, or I promise you won't sleep for the next ten days. I'll make sure of it._The trials and tribulations of One Cindy Moon and Her Idiotic Friends as she attempts to convince them that Peter Parker is, in fact, Spider-Man. As told from Cindy's iPhone (mostly) and abetted by the (occasional) help of third-person.





	1. Idiots

**Author's Note:**

> So, I don't usually like text-fics, but this idea popped up in my head and wouldn't leave me alone until I finished typing. Enjoy?

**_Group: Decathlon Dicks _ **

**09/28/2016 - 8:23 AM**

_ Cindy: Fuck. _

_ Abraham: What is it now, Cindy? (I'm sighing, btw.) _

_ Cindy: It's about Peter. _

_ Abraham: It's always about Peter. You specifically made this chat with the intent to gossip about him. Gods, I should really take Seymour's advice and block your number. _

_ Cindy: Seymour's a coward. Tell him I said it just like that. Anyways, I believe I've finally gathered enough liable evidence to prove that Peter Parker is, in fact, Spider-Man. _

_ Abraham: Okay. _

_Abraham: What? _

_ Betty: At first I wasn't going to answer, because a) we're in homeroom, and b) this chat, while at times entertaining, isn't exactly the most lucrative thing on the planet, but that said; are you alright, Cindy? _

_ Flash: Yeah, are you? You don't really think Penis Parker is Spider-Man, do you? Like, get out of here. _

_ Cindy: Flash? Is that you? Who the hell added you to this chat? _

_ Sally: I can explain. _

_ Cindy: Goddamnit, Sally. Whatever. You're lucky I'm in a good mood, Flash, because otherwise, I'd have already blacklisted your ass. _

_ Flash: Like you have on Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and Instagram? Looks like you don't have as much power over me as you think you do :) _

_ Cindy: I'm removing you from this group. _

_ Flash: Not if I remove you first! _

_ Cindy: Try me. Bitch. _

_ Betty: Focus, children. Now what's this about Peter? _

_ Cindy: Alright, so I know this might sound crazy, but it's really not that far-fetched. You know how Peter just disappears for no good reason? And how he's always making up some bad excuse to make sense of those disappearances? And how he's always coming into school late, usually sporting some black eye or bruise covered up with really bad makeup? And, guys - the Stark internship. Look me in the eye and tell me that's not sus. _

_ Cindy: Guys? _

_ Cindy: Guys? _

_ Cindy: I know you're ignoring me. It won't work. I will literally annoy you into submission if you don't answer me within the next five seconds. _

_ Cindy: Okay, seriously. You've got five seconds to answer, or I promise you won't sleep for the next ten days. I'll make sure of it. _

_ Betty: Cindy...Have you been in your father's wine cabinet again? I hope not, because I thought we'd both grown past that incident. Am I going to have to be disappointed in you? _

_ Abraham: I would appreciate if you got off your moral high horse. And she hasn't been drinking. I can assure you that this is normal Cindy behavior. _

_ Sally: Yeah...I want to respect your outlook, Cindy, but that's a little bit of a reach. _

_ Flash: I'll say. Please. Parker's the last person on Earth to be Spider-Man. He's timid, nerdy, and has absolutely no game. I'd believe Seymour was Spider-Man before I ever believed Peter was. _

_ Flash: FYI, I wouldn't. Seymour's a wuss. _

_ Cindy: God, you're such an ass. But you guys really don't see it!? Explain the bruises, then!" _

_ Betty: Let's be logical here. You mentioned the Stark internship. He must encounter all types of new technology daily, and a good chunk of it is probably still in development. Prototypes. Accidents are bound to occur. That said, Peter's got two left feet. I once witnessed him stab himself in the eye with a fork during lunch. Honestly, all options considered, the likeliest one is that he's a prostitute. _

_ Abraham: I was thinking the same thing. It's very normal for them to suffer at the hands of their pimps. Do you think his aunt's noticed anything strange about his behavior? _

_ Flash: Doubt it. But if she's anything like Parker, then definitely not. _

_ Sally: Dear, God. _

_ Cindy: Now wait a goddamn minute. Six months ago, I had an entire portfolio of evidence supporting the notion that Peter was a sex worker, and not one of you thought that was plausible then._

_ Abraham: Of course we didn't. Not when it was coming from you as our first source. But now that we've all had time to think about it, it makes quite a lot of sense. _

_ Betty: Thank you, Abraham. I couldn't have explained it better myself. _

_ Abraham: I'm sure. We've been considering asking Ned about it, just to see if he knows. If any of this is true, action should be taken. We must also inform his aunt. _

_ Flash: Well, how do you know she isn't turning him out herself? You know, I hear female pimps are on the rise. _

_ Cindy: I'm gonna beat your ass, Flash. I swear. Okay, but, you guys can't be serious. So when I say Peter's a prostitute, he's not, but when I say he's Spider-Man, he's a prostitute? _

_ Abraham: Well, yes. _

_ Flash: Bet. _

_ Betty: Be realistic, Cindy. _

_ Cindy: Realistic? Am I the only one who remembers when aliens came flying out of the sky through an intergalactic wormhole? You guys remember Loki, right? Ultron???_

_ Flash: Uh, duh. And who doesn't remember Loki? The guy was only the sexiest thing on this side of the galaxy. _

_ Betty: Hold on. Let's pause for a second. I'm confused. Did you just refer to Loki as "sexy"? As in the same god that tried to take over the planet four years ago? Thor's brother? That Loki? _

_ Flash: Yeah. And? _

_ Betty: Just checking. Houston, we have a problem. And it's not the fact that he thinks there's a remote chance that Asgard is in the Milky Way. _

_ Abraham: You know what, I was going to ask what white nonsense this was, but then I remembered that Flash isn't white. He's just Flash. I'm not sure that's a good thing. _

_Cindy: Oh, hell. You're not serious, are you? You're attracted to a mass murderer? What the fuck, Flash? What. The. Fuck. He killed hundreds upon hundreds of people. Have you lost your mind? I mean, shit, you never had one to begin with, but do you have, like, even a cell left? _

_ Flash: Hey! I'll have you know that there are a lot of people out there who think that Loki is pretty horrible but also pretty hot. And have you listened to his old recordings? The guy made some valid points. Our leaders do suck, and that's on that. _

_ Cindy: Do you even fucking hear yourself right now? _

_ Flash: It's not like I'm condoning his actions. You know there are whole online communities dedicated to defending him. I'm just stating that I think he's attractive. No need to get so pressed. What are you? Homophobic? _

_ Cindy: I'm literally bi, dipshit. And there are online communities dedicated to defending the behavior of a murderer? Jesus Fucking Christ, what timeline— _

_ Abraham: It's true, unfortunately. You don't know how many Tumblr blogs I've had to block because of it. This is the real world. _

_ Flash: There are worse things in the world. _

_ Cindy: Worse things in the—HE BLEW UP MY AUNT'S APARTMENT BUILDING! PEOPLE DIED. _

_ Flash: But your aunt didn't die now, did she? _

_ Cindy: I'm gonna reach through this phone and choke you. Then I'm gonna remove your organs, boil them, and feed them to my cat. Afterward, I'm gonna burn your corpse and put the ashes outside of your parents' doorstep. _

_ Sally: I think I'm gonna throw up. _

_ Betty: I believe it would be best to return to the original topic, though I'd like to assume that most people don't make a hobby out of defending killers. At least not openly. _

_ Abraham: You're forgetting something vital: Flash isn't most people. _

_ Flash: Hey! I take offense to that. _

_ Cindy: As you should, you fucking twat. _

_ Betty: Cindy. _

_ Cindy: Alright, alright. But I am so going to kick his ass after this. _

_ Betty: That's fair. _

_ Cindy: Now where was I before someone, who shall remain unnamed, expressed an interest in fucking a murderer? Right. So, Peter. Peter stood Liz up the same night her father got arrested. And who caught him? Spider-Man, that's who. That doesn't sound the least bit suspicious to any of you? _

_ Flash: I just figured he chickened out or something. Come on, it's Parker. _

_ Betty: Well, I simply assumed he couldn't handle the implications of dating a strong Black woman. Hmph. Useless. _

_ Abraham: Oh my God. _

_ Sally: Don't mind Betty. She's still hasn't gotten over Liz leaving, which is understandable since it's only been two days, and now she's directing all her bitterness toward Peter. Not to his face, but definitely to his back. But about this Spider-Man thing...I don't mean to come off a certain way when I say this, but I think you might be a little in over your head, Cindy. _

_ Cindy: What _

_ Cindy: the _

_ Cindy: hell? _

_ Cindy: You guys are all idiots. _

_ Cindy: Monday. He came to school. Limping. After he noticed I noticed he was limping, the limp disappeared. But if you looked close enough at his expression throughout the day, it was easy to tell that each step was causing him excruciating pain. That's hella suspicious. _

_ Abraham: In addition to being hella creepy? _

_ Betty: Interesting thesis, but I'm pretty sure that pained expression was a manifestation of his guilt over abandoning Liz at Ho_ _mecoming. I'd be suffering too if I missed the one opportunity to prove myself reliable to my crush only to royally screw up and leave said crush in the dust. _

_ Flash: Damn, you're bitter. _

_ Cindy: I can't believe you guys. You really don't see all the signs? They're clearer than the windshields on my dad's car, and those are so clear you can't even tell they're there. _

_ Flash: Hate to break it to you, toots, but you're actually delusional. There. I said it. Nobody else had the balls to say it, so I did. Face it. Parker's not Spider-Man. Get over it. _

_ Cindy: Excuse me? _

_ Flash: I said Parker's not Spider-Man. Get over it. _

_ Cindy: 5 minutes, Thompson. You've got five minutes to pack up your things and exit this building. Or else I will murder you myself and relish in the stench of your ailing corpse. _

_ Abraham: Okay! I don't think that will be necessary. Flash, while awful, is right to an extent. You can't keep projecting. The likelihood of Peter being Spider-Man is almost zero to none. I understand that you're passionate about chasing this angle, but it might be time to move on. In fact, now would be a good time to move on. Right now, actually. _

_ Cindy: Right now? Why? _

_ Abraham: Because Mr. Dell just woke up. I swear he's looking straight at us. _

_ Abraham: Update: he's looking at a spot on the wall. Still, it might be time to end this discussion. We don't want to risk detention. _

_ Betty: Abraham is right. Some of us have perfect records to maintain. _

_ Flash: Please. I already had seven detentions just this week. You guys are worrying about nothing. You'll be fine. _

_ Abraham: Fine like your money, I presume. Well, I'm out. I'll catch up with you later, Cindy. _

_ Betty: Me too. _

_ Flash: Whatever. _

_ Sally: It was nice talking to the four of you. Even if all of you are terrifying. See you after class. _

_ Cindy: Wait! I haven't even covered the scope of my findings. I didn't mention PE., which, a year ago, Peter was complete ass at, but now he's crunching faster than a bat out of hell. Once, I accidentally walked in on him, and I saw abs. A rock-solid six-pack, in fact! What fifteen-year-old boy has abs? Not one that you know! _

_ Cindy: Guys? _

_ Cindy: Hello? _

_ Cindy: I swear on God, you guys better not be ignoring me. _

_ Cindy: If Michelle were here, she'd listen to me. Unlike the rest of you, she's very suspicious. _

_ Cindy: Damn you, Michelle. Would it kill you to reply to my messages every once in a while? _

_ Cindy: Guys...Are you really gone? _

_ . _

_._

_ . _

_ . _

_ . _

_ Cindy: Idiots. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. The Prophet, Cindy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy people are reading and enjoying this story! I want to thank you all for your support, and I will try to get better at responding to comments from here on out. I'm just not used to the way things operate on this website in terms of publishing stories. On a completely random note, the character's views in this fic do not reflect my own, because I felt like that needed to be said at some point, because they're all either idiots or haters. Well, I'll shut up now. On to the story.

** _ Group: Decathlon Dicks _ **

**10/01/2016 - 3:47 PM **

_ Abraham: So Flash and I asked Ned about the prostitution thing. _

_ Cindy: You _

_ Cindy: did _

_ Cindy: what? _

_ Cindy: Oh, God. I'm ruined. I knew I should have never said shit to you guys. _

_ Dipshit: Ruined? What are you talking about? We did what any good Samaritan would do. _

_ Cindy: You? A good Samaritan? In what world? But that's beside the point. Don't you see by asking Ned before time, we've sparked his suspicion? Now he's onto us! Now he knows we know Peter is Spider-Man! When did this happen? And where was I? _

_ Abraham: It was yesterday after school. You, of course, weren't there. You followed Peter home in your typical stalker-esque pattern, remember? _

_ Cindy: Excuse me, sir. I've simply been testing alternate routes home, and I've found that the ones I've been taking of recent happen to be more convenient than any of my old ones. It is by pure coincidence that they happen to correspond with Peter's. _

_ Sally: Wow. If I didn't know it was you, Cindy, I'd think you were Betty talking. _

_ Abraham: Minus the dash of self-righteousness, and with more spite, obviously. _

_ Betty: I'll try in earnest not to be offended by that. _

_ Cindy: What were you guys thinking? Oh, this is bad. This is really, really bad. _

_ Betty: No. No, it's not. We have no way of knowing Ned knows Peter's Spider-Man, not to say that that's at all a possibility. I'm positive you're the only one at school who thinks it is. _

_ Cindy: Whatever. It's Saturday. Don't you guys have something better to do? _

_ Betty: Aside from sitting on my living room couch with all the lights turned out, binge-watching Lucifer? No. I don't think so. _

_ Dipshit: You too? That's what I'm doing right now. Maybe you nerds aren't all terrible. What episode are you on? _

_ Betty: The second to last of the first season. It's honestly a bit mediocre in my opinion, but Tom Ellis' physical appeal more than makes up for it. _

_ Dipshit: Uh, duh. Why do you think I'm still watching? I hear the second season is better though, even if it only has one episode so far. _

_ Cindy: Relevance!? Anyway, I want nothing more than to strangle all of you, but since I'm currently stuck at one my aunt's ridiculous family gatherings and hiding in the basement of her house while texting you guys because my cousins are assholes and I have absolutely nothing else to do, I want you to tell me what Ned said. Make it quick, though. My mom's no doubt looking for me, and she'll drag me out of here kicking and screaming. _

_ Dipshit: Well, at least your mom's willing to take you anywhere at all. My mom hasn't taken me anywhere since she carried me in the womb. _

_ Betty: Excuse me? _

_ Sally: I just got back home from a shopping spree with my sister, and the first thing I did was open up this chat. Are you okay, Flash? _

_ Dipshit: Uh _ —w _ hy wouldn't I be? _

_ Sally: No reason. _

_ Abraham: Right. So. Ned. His response was...Well, frankly, he looked spooked. As if he'd been possessed or been caught doing something wrong. _

_ Cindy: Doesn't sound suspicious at all. _

_ Abraham: For the next minute, he fluctuated between starting into space, floundering for words, and gaping. Essentially giving himself away. _

_ Dipshit: Yeah, then I got pissed off and told him if he didn't answer, I'd make his life a living hell, starting with making good use of a paperclip, a sledgehammer, and my dad's checking account. _

_ Cindy: Whatever the fuck is wrong with you, the world may never know. Abe? _

_ Abraham: After Flash's...ultimatum, he clammed up and started hyperventilating, and then the dam just burst open. _

_ Betty: Yes? So is he or is he not a prostitute? The suspense is killing me. _

_ Abraham: Well, it isn't as out-there as we initially assumed, but it's still considerably shoddy. Fight club. Peter's in a fight club. _

_ Sally: Wait, what? Fight club??? Like in the Matt Damon movie? _

_ Betty: You mean like in the Brad Pitt movie. Your confusion, however, is understandable. God knows they look alike. _

_ Dipshit: Okay, but that's, like, seriously disrespectful to Brad. Were you raised by wolves or are you just an uncultured swine? _

_ Sally: Well, I...I didn't mean to offend you. _

_ Abraham: Don't bother explaining yourself to him. It's not worth it. Back on topic, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. The bruises, the disappearing acts—it all adds up. _

_ Cindy: I...can't believe you guys believe that garbage. Fight club? Seriously? And where is this "fight club" located, exactly? And how can I get in? _

_ Abraham: Ned didn't give us a location. He refused to, in fact. And the club is members-only, so even if he'd told us where it was, we'd have no chance of getting in. _

_ Cindy: And you believe this? _

_ Abraham: It's more plausible than sex work, and it definitely seems like something a high-school student would participate in. _

_ Betty: Abraham is correct. My older sister went to school with someone who was apart of a fight club, so it isn't quite as far-fetched as you may think. _

_ Dipshit: Actually, I kinda agree with toots over here. I find it extremely hard to believe that Parker of all people is in a fight club. Face it, dudes. He just doesn't have the finesse. _

_ Cindy: For once, and it pains me to say this, I agree with you. _

_ Dipshit: Damn right you do. Still don't think he's Spider-Man, though. Can you spell "nut jaw"? _

_ Cindy: I take it back. You're as big a dick as ever. _

_ Dipshit: All in a day's work. _

_ Cindy: There's still the the Stark internship. I don't see why you guys keep ignoring the Stark internship. _

_ Betty: Well, that certainly isn't our intent. But have you perhaps considered that it's a normal, run-off-mill internship? _

_ Cindy: Run-of-the-mill, my ass. First of all, the best time to 'intern' would have been during summer vacation. It makes no sense for him to be doing it now since it obviously gets in the way of his school obligations. Second of all, how is his clearance level so high, he gets to work directly with Tony Stark? The hell is that about? _

_ Sally: We don't actually know his clearance level, Cindy. All I said was that I saw him exiting a limo in front of his apartment, and I thought I caught a glimpse of Happy Hogan coming out of it. That doesn't mean I did, and it doesn't have to mean anything specific. _

_ Cindy: What the fuck kind of intern gets escorted back to his home in a limo, of all things, with Happy Hogan, of all people, as their chauffeur? _

_ Sally: Stark...interns? _

_ Cindy: I swear, Sally. If I lived as close to Peter as you did... _

_ Cindy: You guys are dumb. Like, dumber than dumb. You expect me to believe Peter isn't Spider-Man when all the signs are clear? _

_ Dipshit: Please. What—do you think you're some kind of prophet?_

_ Cindy: If I was, my mission would be to save your dumbass from yourself, but even God knows you're beyond saving, so I doubt he'd bother sending a messenger. _

_ Betty: You don't have to believe Peter's in a fight club. In fact, you don't have to believe anything. We have no way of proving that any of our speculation is right. It's just you're insistence that he's Spider-Man… _

_ Cindy: And what about it? You're the ones claiming he's in some kind of fight club, which, by the way, has to be one of the worst excuses I've ever heard. _

_ Abraham: Cindy. I think it's time you let it go. You've been on Peter's case for months now, and this is getting ridiculous. You've even somehow managed to get us wrapped up in it. Honestly, when all is said and done, it's Peter. It wouldn't be unlike him to injure himself tripping over thin air. _

_ Cindy: You damn well know he's not that clumsy. Maybe in fifth grade, but not now. Not with those reflexes. _

_ Abraham: You know, I'm starting to think you're the only one at school who pays Peter this much attention. I wonder why that is? _

_ Betty: I, too, wonder why that is. _

_ Dipshit: Are you guys trying to say she has a crush on him? Because if so _ — _ my expectations for you were low, toots, but holy fuck. _

_ Betty: No, no. You've got it wrong. She's obsessed with him, yes, but Cindy's like that with anyone she considers suspicious. I assure you she doesn't have covert feelings for him. She may, however, be planning his murder. _

_ Sally: Each time I bother to open this chat, I can always count on seeing something vomit-inducingly disturbing. _

_ Cindy: I'm not planning anybody's murder but Thompson's. The fact that any of you would think otherwise is a travesty. The murder has to be worth something. _

_ Dipshit: So she threatened to kill me, and we're all okay with this? _

_ Abraham: Not okay, just unbothered. _

_ Cindy: Ugh, I'm tired of talking to you guys. There's no use trying to convince people who just don't give a damn of the truth. _

_ Betty: Whatever you say. It's time I got back to Lucifer, anyway. I am so not impressed by this storyline. _

_ Dipshit: Well, I'm sorry that not everything has CW-level quality. Sheesh. _

_ Abraham: Did you say CW? As in the network? _

_ Sally: I think...I think he did. _

_ Cindy: This conversation has done nothing but prove to me that none of you have informed critical thinking skills. I'm muting this chat until further notice. Goodbye. _

_ Abraham: Could you, perhaps, delete the chat? _

_ Cindy: Ah. I see what you did there. But to answer your question? Not a chance. _

* * *

One Cindy Moon sighed, dropping her phone in her lap as she ran a hand through her hair in frustration. Well, that was a spectacular waste of time. Convincing her friends—sans Flash, of course. She shuddered at the notion of ever being friends with _ that_—that Peter was Spider-Man was like talking to a stone wall; useless and insipid. 

_ Oh, _ but Cindy felt it in her blood, and Cindy's gut feelings were rarely ever wrong, like that time she'd spent three years trying to persuade her parents that their "new neighbor" was, in fact, on the FBI's most-wanted list, and lo and behold, that summer he'd been revealed to have been on the aforementioned list. Cindy had watched the raid from her window, vindicated, because _ nobody _ carried an umbrella in the snow. It just wasn't normal.

"Cynthia, darling!" her mother's overly chipper voice bellowed from upstairs. "Where are you? Your uncle wants to show you his collection of miniature chairs since he didn't have time to last visit." 

Good, grief. She hated these family gatherings, and the garbage that had just been texted to her did little to help improve her mood. Abraham and Flash had put her entire investigation at risk with the stunt they'd pulled with Ned, and she frankly wanted to strangle both of them (mostly Flash, though. Only Flash, really).

Her phone buzzed with what were doubtlessly texts from the group chat, of which Cindy had yet to mute. Why was she so obsessed with proving to _ them _that Peter was Spider-Man, anyway? 

_ It's because of the satisfaction. The looks on their faces. Just knowing that you were right the entire time, _ her mind supplied easily. _ Isn't that right, C? _

Cindy smirked. "You're damn right it is."

"Cindy!" Her mother's voice was louder and firmer this time around. "I'm not playing games with you, young lady. Come up here now!" 

Shit. She was using her "Because I Said So" voice. She meant business, which in turn meant Cindy didn't have much time left to stall.

Hastily, she grabbed her phone and opened up a new, one-on-one chat, readjusting her vision to the light amid the darkness of the basement. 

Normally, Cindy would never go to _ him _for help, but anyone with a brain knew that Brad Davis was the person you turned to when you wanted to get the goods on someone. 

And she wanted to get _ all _the goods on Peter Parker.

* * *

**10/01/2016 - 4:12 PM**

_ Cindy: Brad. It's me, Cindy. _

_ Brad: Cindy? As in *the* Cindy Moon? I gave my number to you three months ago, and you're only now just calling me. Finally come to your senses, eh? _

_ Cindy: This is why I never called you in the first place. _

_ Brad: Whatever. There are plenty of other girls out there who'd kill to be with me. You have no idea what you're missing. Anyway, I haven't got all day. What do you want? Dirt on a teacher? Criminal records? Or, my personal favorite, revenge porn? _

_ Cindy: First of all, you're disgusting, and the only reason I'm asking for your help is because I have no choice but to. Let's get that clear. Second of all, while criminal records do sound especially intriguing, that's not what I'm here for. _

_ Brad: Go on. _

_ Cindy: I need you to search the databases of all the fight clubs in Queens. See if you can find any interesting names. _

_ Brad: Wait, fight clubs? Oh, Moon. Should I be worried about you? _

_ Cindy: Hah. You wouldn't be the first. _

_ Brad: I suspect I won't be the last either. Right, so you know there are dozens of illegal fight clubs in Queens, and you want me to hack all of their servers? The job in and of itself shouldn't be hard, but it'll eat up a lot of my time. You do know how much this will cost, don't you? _

_ Cindy: There are bigger things at stake here than price. _

_ Brad: God, I feel sorry for the bastard who slighted you. Will that be all? _

_ Cindy: Just about. I need you to get me a list of all the STEM interns in New York City currently working with Stark Industries, as well as their clearances. _

_ Brad: Hot damn. This might be the most money I've made in months. _

_ Cindy: You sell revenge porn, asshole. _

_ Brad: You caught me. It's a great business. You should try it sometime. _

_ Cindy: I think I'll leave the degeneracy to you, thanks. _

_ Brad: Your loss. Anything else? _

_ Cindy: That's it. How much do I owe you? _

_ Brad: A date? Maybe even some sugar, if you're up for it. _

_ Cindy: You despicable fuck. _

_ Brad: Just had to put it out there. But there's no set price. It all depends on how I'm feeling, really, so—give me two weeks. I'll have everything you want ready by then, including the price. No need to thank me. _

_ Cindy: I wasn't going to. _

_Brad: Didn't expect you to. _

_ Cindy: Then in that case—thank you. _

_ Brad: You're not welcome._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yes. I aged-up Brad. How's that for canon divergence? Sorry, the jackassery was just too delightful to not include. Anyway, I hope you all liked this chapter. It was longer than the first chapter, but that's to be expected. Speaking of length, I don't intend to make this story very long, since it is lighthearted fluff for the most part, but we'll see where Cindy takes me. Thanks for reading, and leave a comment if you can?


	3. 3825968

_ **Group: Decathlon Dicks** _

**10/07/2016 - 2:02 PM**

_Cindy: I can't believe you guys believed that bullshit about fight club. _

_Abraham: Oh, my—_

_Abraham: Good grief, Cindy. I thought you'd left this alone, but obviously I was wrong. _

_Cindy: Of course you were. It takes time to collect evidence, you know. Brace yourself for this truth bomb, because there's no coming back from it. _

_Abraham: Sigh. Go on._

_Abraham: Cindy. _

_Abraham: Cindy? Are you there?_

_Cindy: I'm here. Just waiting for all these other assholes to respond. _

_Betty: Cindy. Dearest. I love you, but this is too much. Not to mention I'm in the middle of PE!_

_Cindy: Bullshit. All you do is sit around judging everyone else for their lack of fitness when you can't do so much as a sit-up without gasping for air. _

_Betty: Well, I've never._

_Cindy: Sally? Come on. I know you're there. You share PE with Betty, don't you?_

_Sally: Hi, Cindy. I'll admit I wanted you to drop this too, but if you're not done, I respect that._

_Cindy: Finally. Someone who understands. I knew there was a reason I liked you. _

_Sally: Okay..._

_Cindy: Hey, Dipshit. You there?_

_Cindy: Dipshit?_

_Dipshit: Jesus! I'm in class!_

_Cindy: No shit. I'm sitting right behind you. I can literally see you playing your Nintendo Switch under your desk. I will report you. _

_Dipshit: Try me._

_Cindy: I swear, if the laws of the land didn't prohibit me from killing you..._

_Dipshit: As if. You'll kill me when you get the chance one of these days. I've warned my parents about you actually._

_Cindy: Oh? So you mean they listened to you long enough for you to warn them?_

_Dipshit: I wish you knew what the fuck you were talking about. _

_Betty: Girls! Girls! You're both pretty! May we proceed now?_

_Cindy: Whatever. Dipshit._

_Dipshit: Bitch._

_Cindy: Again, I'm right behind you. I will manhandle you._

_Betty: Cindy._

_Cindy: Fine. _

_Cindy: Fine._

_Cindy: God, I hate you guys sometimes. _

_Cindy: So, it turns out zero fight clubs in Queens have Peter in their system. Oh, and on the topic of clearance? There's specialized badges for that. Peter has a gold badge._

_Cindy: a fucking_

_Cindy: gold_

_Cindy: badge_

_Cindy: Do you know what that means? That means Peter can basically do anything. He's got higher clearance than the fucking lawyers and secretaries, and most interns don't even have the clearance to take a bathroom break. Does that sound right? Does it?_

_Cindy: Guys? _

_Cindy: Guys? You aren't ignoring me again, are you?_

_Betty: Cindy. Darling. Did it occur to you that there are fight clubs all over New York City? Limiting your research to one borough just isn't thorough._

_Cindy: Aha! I knew you would say that. That's why Brad and I are in negotiations about that as we speak, so. Try again._

_Abraham: Wait, Brad? As in Brad Davis? Cindy!_

_Betty: I was wondering how you'd learned all this. You're working with Brad Davis? He's notoriously sleazy._

_Cindy: Uh, duh. That's why I went to him. _

_Dipshit: Brad? Oh, Brad! What are you guys talking about? He's a great guy. Very friendly._

_Abraham: Somehow, I am not surprised you'd think that. _

_Sally: I'm not judging you, Cindy, but wasn't Brad the one who got you suspended last year for posting that video of you beating up that security guard on WorldStar? _

_Cindy: He was, and he's a real piece of shit for that. But those were the two best weeks of my life. I put together so many case files. You guys think this is bothersome? Wait until you see my file on Justin Hammer. You know he's got a boyfriend who's, like, twenty years younger than him? A boyfriend he met in prison? I mean, these stories write themselves._

_Sally: How did you..._

_Sally: Never mind. But you are making a lot of sense. Golden badges are typically reserved for the highest of higher-ups. Maybe Peter really is Tony Stark's protege. _

_Cindy: See! She gets it! She gets it! As for the rest of you..._

_Betty: Alright, so perhaps that theory is valid, but what of it? I'm still not sure how it relates back to him being Spider-Man. _

_Cindy: How does it relate back to—my god, guys! Why and how in the goddamn fuck would a random STEM intern work right beside Tony Stark? Make it make sense. The only reasonable explanation is that Peter's Spider-Man. _

_Dipshit: Ever heard of this little thing called luck? You know, it sounds to me like you've been bitten by the green-eyed monster. Back me up on this one, guys._

_Abraham: I wish I could, but Cindy's always been a tad...eccentric, and it has nothing to do with jealousy. _

_Cindy: Thank you, Abe. I wasn't about to explain myself to that asshole._

_Abraham: I had similar fears about agreeing with him._

_Dipshit: I'm right here. But who gives a shit, right?_

_Betty: That would, admittedly, be correct. Now, Cindy...I know you're confident that you're right, but have you considered our perspective?_

_Cindy: Yeah. And I decided it was bullshit. Was there a point to this?_

_Betty: Cindy._

_Cindy: Fine. _

_Betty: From our point of view, what's speculation to you is just a series of coincidences. It's not unlikely that Peter's working alongside Mr. Stark. It's not unlikely that various interns are. We've all heard how hands-on and casual Mr. Stark is. Secondly, even if Ned is lying about fight club, the next thing one would typically assume isn't that he's a masked vigilante, and while it's true that Peter's a bit of an enigma, most if not all of us went to school with him from an early age and can testify that he's been that way for years, stuck in his own little world. Ned, too. If anything, the only thing they're hiding is a Blu-Ray DVD of_ The Room _and a__ Lego Death Star. _

_Cindy: Lord._

_Cindy: Jesus. Christ._

_Cindy: Betty, I know you did not just science that shit up. Do you even hear yourself?_

_Abraham: I'm sorry, Cindy, but I'm going to have to agree with Betty on this one. Your theories are just too far-fetched. _

_Cindy: I can't believe this! Dipshit, what do you have to say?!_

_Dipshit: Oh, know you wanna hear me out? Well, tough luck. The idea that Parker's Spider-Man is laughable. You've had way too much to drink._

_Cindy: Sally? Come on, Sally. Don't leave me out here alone in the water._

_Cindy: Sally?_

_Cindy: Sally! _

_Cindy: Okay, I'm not gonna call you again. I will come and find you myself._

_Sally: I was trying to stay out of this, but...Cindy does make a lot of points. I don't..I don't think it would be a bad thing to look into them._

_Cindy: Ladies and gentlemen; that's how you catch a bitch._

_Abraham: Sally. I'm not doubting you, but are you sure about this?_

_Cindy: He's totally doubting you._

_Sally: I don't know, Abe. It's just...Alien invasions, real-life Norse Gods, robot almost-apocalypses. Why not be sure about it? Peter being Spider-Man seems sane compared to those things. _

_Abraham: ...Bizarrely enough, you're right. Betty, what do you think? _

_Betty: I think...I hate to say this, but I think that perhaps we should give Cindy a chance. Just this once._

_Cindy: Oh, look at us! You're the best friends ever! I mean, you weren't that great a minute ago, but I digress. _

_Dipshit: Hey! What about me?_

_Cindy: What about you? So, I need you guys to meet me in front of Peter's place at 7am tomorrow. We're going to get to the bottom of this once and for all, so make sure you all get a good night's sleep._

_Abraham: Wait a minute. Do you plan on following him? Cindy, that's shady. Like, really shady._

_Cindy: Don't come, then. Have fun helping your mom clean out the garage. _

_Abraham: That's not what I'm doing tomorrow._

_Cindy: Of course. Of course._

_Abraham: ...I'll go, but only to make sure you don't get yourself in trouble._

_Betty: That's sweet of you, Abe, but I refuse to partake in glorified stalking. It's illegal, not to mention unbecoming._

_Cindy: I swear, Betty. If you don't stop with all this self-righteous bullshit, I will literally implode. Were you not the one who trailed Shawn Mendes all the way back to his hotel room back in March? _

_Betty: I'd appreciate if you stopped airing my business. It's disrespectful._

_Cindy: Not my fault you're a hypocrite. So, what do you say?_

_Betty: Oh, alright! But you should all see this as p_r_oof that I was coerced. _

_Cindy: Uh-huh. Anyway, I kinda needed you to come. You have that whole pretty, innocent little white girl thing going on, so you're literally what stands in between us and incarceration._

_Betty: That's...good to know. _

_Dipshit: It's official: you're all insane. Have fun getting arrested, losers! I, for one, will be spending the day relaxing._

_Cindy: Go right ahead. I didn't want you to come, anyway._

_Dipshit: I'll be there at 6:00. _

_Cindy: Well, it's settled then! I'll see you guys tomorrow at Peter's place! For now, I've got work to do._

_Betty: Work? I hope you're talking about schoolwork. We're in class._

_Cindy: You mean you guys are in class. I've been in the infirmary all afternoon for "feminine issues". _

_Abraham: You truly are the devil._

_Cindy: In the flesh._

_Cindy: Well, I'm heading out now. Oh, and Sally? I just wanted to let you know that I love you._

_Abraham: Cindy, wait._

_Abraham: Cindy?_

_Abraham: That girl..._

_Betty: I know, but the least we can do is close our eyes, take a deep breath, and retain a good synergy._

_Abraham: Not now, Betty._

_Betty: Right._

_Abraham: Not to beat a dead horse here, but are you sure about this, Sally? Cindy has a habit of involving herself in some pretty strange stuff._

_Sally: I'm sure. I'm a little scared, but what were any of us doing Saturday that was actually important? Besides, I'm trying to face my fears and go on a real adventure!_

_Abraham: Trust me. You'll be safer bungee-jumping in New Zealand than you will encouraging Cindy's antics._

_Cindy: I came back on here to say I saw that, asshole._

_Sally: I've made up my mind, Abraham. Don't worry. And it's not like you won't be there to keep an eye on me. But I'll be careful, okay?_

_Abraham: Okay. _

_Betty: I feel we should all be getting back to our separate classes now before we end up in detention. Mr. Wilson keeps glancing at me. See you after class._

_Sally: Yeah, see you._

_Abraham: See you._

_Dipshit: Wait! Before you all leave, does anyone have Parker's address?_

_Dipshit: Helloooo._

_Dipshit: I'm literally still here. _

_Dipshit: Seriously, I will sue every last one of you. _

_Dipshit: Oh, wow. You guys are pathetic. I know you don't like me, but there's no need to be petty. _

_Cindy: Must suck to suck, doesn't it, asshole? _

_Dipshit: Just give me Parker's address and go._

_Cindy: Okay. It's 3825968 Queens Boulevard. Capiche?_

_Dipshit: Yeah. See how little effort that took? _

_Dipshit: Ignoring me again? Whatever. I've got Parker's address. That's all that matters. _

_._

_._

_._

_Dipshit: Wait a fucking second._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've been gone forever. I am so sorry it took so long to update again. I have no excuse. That said, I don't know when the next update will be. I have some other WIP's going on, and I initially wrote this as a light, fluffy piece I use to wind down, but I'm aware that I also have an audience.
> 
> As for what's going on in the story, I thought it would be repetitive to have much more of Cindy and the rest of the Decathlon going back and forth over Peter, so next chapter they're jumping right into the fray! That'll be fun.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and bookmarks! I sincerely appreciate them. Let me know if this chapter was to your liking.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like it? Comment below and let me know! I really hope it was alright and didn't totally suck, though.


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